Meat is Literally Falling of the Bone.......

So yesterday, my wife and I decided we would weed the flower bed. We made this decision around 3pm. This is important to note because here in Louisiana, doing anything outdoors at 3pm on an August afternoon is like choosing to crawl inside a preheated oven just to hang out for a while or like saying, "Hey honey, let's fire up the bbq pit and take turns laying on it." It is plain insanity. A blatant disregard for human life. 20 minutes into our attempt at "Martha Stewart Living" we were both drenched in sweat and welcoming our certain death.

Hallucinations abound when one is dehydrated and facing their own demise. I had apocalyptic visions of homicidal bunny rabbits riding Harley's through our neighborhood terrorizing every man, woman and child. Luckily my wife's hallucinations were a bit more rational; she claimed to have heard our sleeping daughter Abby cry. With that our salvation was at hand. We ended our weed pulling expedition and sought refuge indoors.

Upon entering the Seney abode, I commented, "Landsakes, it is HOT in this house!" To which my wife replied, "Check the thermostat, I turned it up earlier." (Now, who in their right mind turns the thermostat up on an August afternoon. I thought a lunacy commission ought to be convened.) Armed with this knowledge, I headed straight for our trusty mercury filled thermostat to adjust properly for sweet relief. Lowering the desired temp to a comfortable 68 I awaited my reward; a click, a hum, and a gust of cold air. I got my click, I got my hum, but I was deprived my gust!!! Being a man full of skill, know-how, and intuition, I knew I could fix the problem. Drawing upon my wealth of knowledge I chose to do what was most logical; I thumped the thermostat. When I received no reward, I progressed to switching it on and off in rapid succession. Still I had no reward. Then it hit me, "EUREKA!" I started thumping the thermostat and switching it on and off simultaneously. But alas, frustration finally set in as all my skill and knowledge had failed me. My frustration exited and HORROR replaced it. WE WERE WITHOUT AIR CONDITIONING! Sweet Mother of God, what were we to do?

This being a Sunday afternoon, I couldn't rightly expect a service technician to be at my beck and call, but expect I did. After making a call or two I settled into the fact that there would be no relief till Monday. That of course meant that we would have to survive until then. The family was placed on a strict regiment of cold showers, drawn shades, electric fans and Popsicles. Fortunately, we survived the night.

Well, today around 10:30am, the service technician arrived and immediately immersed himself in the bowels of the Seney Family HVAC unit. After a thorough poking and prodding he surfaced with sorrow filled eyes and sad, sad words. It seems that our blower/fan has gone "tits up" and will need to be replaced. This was bad news I could tell, but the worst was yet to come. "It is going to take at least 2 full days before a new blower arrives." At those words, I did as any man filled with grief, I FELL APART. I ripped my garments from my body, beat my chest, covered myself with ash and dawned a sack-cloth. And there was great lament and the gnashing of teeth.

So, I sit here today a sweaty, sweaty mess........Ah, but hope springs eternal, and in a day or two thou shalt hear a rejoicing in the hills of Ruston that thou hast never heard before. The Seneys will be restored to Air Conditioned GLORY AND GRANDUER!!!! I will stop at nothing to see it done!